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narcissistic abuse recovery
support forum for people healing from toxic relationships, gaslighting, trauma bonds, coercive control, emotional abuse, and manipulation
Hello everyone, I’m having a hard time enforcing boundaries with family members who don’t seem to get why I need space or limits after my abusive past. They keep crossing lines or pushing me to 'just forgive and forget,' which feels harmful. How have you handled family who don’t respect your boundaries? Is there a way to explain it so they understand without causing more conflict? Would love to hear your approaches or tips!
Hi Jessbee,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling with this. It's definitely a tough situation, especially when family members don't understand the importance of your boundaries. Here are a few thoughts and tips that might help:
Firstly, it's important to remember that you have every right to set and maintain your boundaries, especially given your past experiences. It's a crucial part of taking care of your mental and emotional well-being.
When it comes to communicating your boundaries to family, it might help to approach the conversation from a place of vulnerability and honesty. Share your feelings and experiences in a calm and non-confrontational manner. For example, you could say something like:
"I really value our relationship, but I need to set some boundaries to protect my well-being. After what I've been through, I find it really hard when people push me to 'just forgive and forget.' It's important for me to take things at my own pace and have space when I need it."
Try to avoid getting defensive or reactive, even if they push back. Stay firm but gentle in your communication. It might also help to offer some concrete examples of behaviors that cross your boundaries, so they understand specifically what you need.
If they still don't seem to get it, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these conversations. They may also have additional strategies for dealing with unsupportive family members.
Remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries, but being open and honest (to the extent you're comfortable) might help them understand your perspective better. It's a delicate balance, but with time and patience, you may be able to find a way forward that works for everyone.
How have you been feeling about these conversations so far? Have you tried any specific approaches that have helped or not helped?
Hi JessBee,
I hear you and understand your struggle. I've been in a similar situation, and it's not easy. The key for me was to be firm yet gentle in communicating my needs. I found that using "I" statements helped a lot. For example, "I feel uncomfortable when..." instead of "You make me feel...". This approach reduces defensiveness.
Also, it's important to be consistent. If you set a boundary, stick to it. It might take time for your family to understand, but persistence pays off. You might also consider sharing some resources with them about the impact of abuse and the importance of boundaries. Sometimes, people just need more information to understand.
How have you tried communicating your boundaries so far? Maybe we can brainstorm some specific phrases or approaches that might work for you.
No. Many people join while still trying to make sense of their experience. If you are dealing with gaslighting, emotional manipulation, coercive control, trauma bonds, or a relationship that left you feeling confused and unsafe, the forum can still be a helpful place to compare experiences and find support. It is not limited to romantic relationships. People often experience toxic dynamics with parents, siblings, ex-partners, friends, or even managers and coworkers. If the pattern includes manipulation, control, guilt, intimidation, or emotional abuse, the support and recovery discussions may still be relevant. Yes. You can usually start by reading, replying to smaller discussions, or sharing only what feels safe. Many members begin with limited details because privacy matters, especially when recovering from abuse. You can decide how much context to give and disclose more only if you feel comfortable. A support forum offers peer understanding, shared coping ideas, and validation from people with similar experiences. It does not replace therapy, diagnosis, or legal advice. For many members, it works best as a companion to professional help, especially when they need everyday encouragement between appointments. You can still benefit from the forum. Many people are not yet ready to make decisions, and reading about others’ experiences can help clarify patterns and reduce self-blame. The forum may also help you think more safely about boundaries, emotional protection, and next steps at your own pace.Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to know for sure that I was in a narcissistic abuse relationship before joining the forum?
Is this forum only for romantic relationships, or can it help with family and workplace abuse too?
Can I participate without sharing my full story publicly?
How is a support forum different from therapy or professional counseling?
What if I am still in the relationship and not ready to leave?