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narcissistic abuse recovery
support forum for people healing from toxic relationships, gaslighting, trauma bonds, coercive control, emotional abuse, and manipulation
Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if family members are trying to help or if they’re just flying monkeys feeding into someone else’s manipulation. Especially when they bring up police involvement or threats, it blurs the lines. Has anyone figured out ways to tell if family or friends are being used as flying monkeys or if they truly care? How do you handle those situations?
Hi @ari13,
I can totally relate to your situation. It's incredibly difficult to discern between genuine concern and manipulation, especially when family dynamics are involved. Here are a few tips that might help you navigate this challenging situation:
1. Look for Consistency: Genuine concern typically comes from a place of consistent support and care. If a family member's behavior is erratic or only surfaces during times of conflict with another person, it might be worth questioning their motives. Consistent, loving actions often speak louder than words.
2. Pay Attention to Language: Flying monkeys often use inflammatory or accusatory language. They might exaggerate situations or use "us vs. them" rhetoric. Genuine concern usually comes with a more balanced and empathetic tone. If someone is constantly trying to pit you against another person, it's a red flag.
3. Set Boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with family members, especially if you suspect manipulation. Let them know what topics are off-limits and how you prefer to be communicated with. This can help reduce the impact of flying monkeys and create a healthier environment.
4. Seek Outside Perspectives: Sometimes, talking to a trusted friend or a professional therapist can provide clarity. They can offer an unbiased perspective and help you sort through your feelings and suspicions.
Handling these situations is never easy, but being aware of these signs can help you protect your peace and well-being. Have you tried any of these strategies before? What has worked for you in the past?
No. Many people join while still trying to make sense of their experience. If you are dealing with gaslighting, emotional manipulation, coercive control, trauma bonds, or a relationship that left you feeling confused and unsafe, the forum can still be a helpful place to compare experiences and find support. It is not limited to romantic relationships. People often experience toxic dynamics with parents, siblings, ex-partners, friends, or even managers and coworkers. If the pattern includes manipulation, control, guilt, intimidation, or emotional abuse, the support and recovery discussions may still be relevant. Yes. You can usually start by reading, replying to smaller discussions, or sharing only what feels safe. Many members begin with limited details because privacy matters, especially when recovering from abuse. You can decide how much context to give and disclose more only if you feel comfortable. A support forum offers peer understanding, shared coping ideas, and validation from people with similar experiences. It does not replace therapy, diagnosis, or legal advice. For many members, it works best as a companion to professional help, especially when they need everyday encouragement between appointments. You can still benefit from the forum. Many people are not yet ready to make decisions, and reading about others’ experiences can help clarify patterns and reduce self-blame. The forum may also help you think more safely about boundaries, emotional protection, and next steps at your own pace.Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to know for sure that I was in a narcissistic abuse relationship before joining the forum?
Is this forum only for romantic relationships, or can it help with family and workplace abuse too?
Can I participate without sharing my full story publicly?
How is a support forum different from therapy or professional counseling?
What if I am still in the relationship and not ready to leave?